How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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