Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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