I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
