not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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