For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
