She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
