I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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