I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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