He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
