Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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