At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
