pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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