my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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