It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
