Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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