I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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