Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
