I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
