if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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