its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
