Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
