I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
