fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
