Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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