Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
