Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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