i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
