We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
