i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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