ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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