Having a random hookup so left but love u
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
