One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
