I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
