i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
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I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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