just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So squirting runs in the family.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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