I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
