I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
