just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
