My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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