I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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