Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
