drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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