Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
