I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All the doctor said was why
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
