And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
