Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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