To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
