So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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