i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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