My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
