I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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