His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
