Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
