Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
