girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
