Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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