We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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