One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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