When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
