He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
