I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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