Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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