Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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