Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
