Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
