she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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