my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
