i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize